Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
