I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize