What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
