I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
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So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize