Im at strip club and am horny
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You ruined the universe
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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