I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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