Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
