discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
