Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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