i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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