I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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