i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
