My hand turned me down
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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