4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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