Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
