How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i came on her dog
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
