Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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