you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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