i permit you to call me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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