Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
