I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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