How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
