can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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