he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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