this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize