What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
