A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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