How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
