oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Small penises have feelings too.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
