Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
