his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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