btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
