It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize