I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
