im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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