its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
