I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
