Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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