A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
two words...techno handjob
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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