I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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