My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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