dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
