i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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