are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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