i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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