So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
