You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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