dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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