He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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