Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
