Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize