My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
