So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
