Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
