im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
