Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
