get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he shaved USA in his pubs
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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