you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
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It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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