I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
