a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
