The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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