I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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