Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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