Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
