cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
