They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
