What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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