This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I FOUND THE LEGS
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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