She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my shit smells like andre
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
