i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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