i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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