We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
