I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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