Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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