i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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