I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
