My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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