please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
