I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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