he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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