Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
