dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
