Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize