Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
